Thanks, Miley.

Just so we are clear, I have been posing with my tongue out long before it was being compared to camel pics or horse mugshots on the internet. My blog pic has been the same for two years, long before Ms. Cyrus flung her tongue out for the whole world to see. Honestly, I think I look better with my mouth open, eye brows raised and eyeballs looking to the side.(I'm never looking at anything in particular, in case you were wondering).  It's my look. The majority of selfies that are saved in my Dropbox have the same cracked out, sass face. But now, it's scandalous and people are expecting me to twerk with teddy bears when I go to the grocery store.

For a moment, I felt that the tongue selfies must come to an end.  It wasn't professional, it was immature and maybe it was time to take myself seriously. Pretty sure that's not happening and here's why.....there is no way my face will ever look as palatable without my mouth gaping. When I look directly into a camera and smile, my left eye squints and people wonder if I have had a stroke. A peripheral shot highlights my acne scars and these strange lines around my eyes that have surfaced as of my 30th birthday. I don't have cute ears and my nose is upturned just enough to make me look bitchy and unapproachable. Okay, I am both of those things but fuck you for saying so. Being forced to have respectable bio pic on my blog makes me feel like a fraud. I also worry that no one who really knows me would recognize a photo of me with a fake smile, mom hair and a collared shirt. Gag me with a spoon or a sharp, sharp knife.

Perhaps one day, I will be ready to pull all my tongue pics down and begin taking selfies with my tits bulging into my neck or rear views of my jeans sliding precariously down while my thong underwear make my b'hole bleed. I could make a killing on Twitter with that shit.Or maybe serious face selfies similar to those in Napolean Dynamite, chin on fist, head tilted. But probably not. These pics are my personality and this is my blog. I'm sassy, insecure, funny, bitchy, and determined. Determined to keep being myself regardless of how it may be perceived. I've never made a good first impression anyway, so why start now.