Nope, I Don't Have Horns.

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I love traveling. There are few things I don't love about traveling and they include; the return home laundry pile, waiting in security lines at the airport and being asked if I am "a Mormon". Just try to have a conversation with someone outside of Utah and at some point the question gets asked. I never ask people from New York if they are Jewish or people with twelve kids if they are Catholic, but somehow being from Utah equals one of three things; you are Mormon, you are a polygamist, or you have horns. Didn't you know that Mormons have horns? That conversation happened back when I was a teenager traveling to the East Coast and it was a serious question from the flight attendant after she asked where I was from and where I was headed. 

"Don't all Mormons have little horns on their head?"
I wish I could go back in a time machine and give her a more inappropriate answer to such an inappropriate question, but at the time, I stood with a shocked expression on my face and shook my head until she walked back to her soda cart.

While on a cruise ship last week, we were sitting in the designated smoking corner (it was the size of love seat), drinking beer and conversing with a couple squished next to us.
"From Utah, huh? You guys Mormons?"
Yep. We take a week vacation from the Word of Wisdom, tackled smoking and found a real taste for alcoholic beverages. Really? If you know nothing about the LDS culture, wait for a lead in. Anyone who is an active Mormon will be more than happy to share an hour long sermon within minutes of meeting you. As soon as they find out you are from LA or Nebraska or Florida, their concern is that you haven't had two 19 year old kids bear their testimony on your front porch while you are enjoying Saturday afternoon football and a cold brewskie. They can and will save your soul. The rest of us from Utah, we're just on vacation.

The polygamy question is a bit outdated and just as annoying. I understand that back in the late 1800's, it was a kind of big deal that Utah wanted polygamy more that it wanted statehood. I get it. But it's been a while and I think there are people in polygamous, poly-amorous, and other taboo relationships, outside of Utah. We aren't the only ones, folks. In my day to day, activities I rarely come into contact with polygamy and I have lived in Utah for 35 years. I have seen a few pligs at Starbucks on my road trips through St. George and I'm pretty sure I have seen a few of their houses in Eagle Mountain. No single family needs three 4,000 square foot homes built in a circle with a playground that puts Liberty Park to shame. We know what you're up to, folks. Otherwise, I see as many pligs and humans with horns as the rest of the world.

We aren't all Mormon. This state has many other cultures and religions that can and should represent us. We have great outdoor activities and a low cost of living. We have jobs, safe neighborhoods, National Parks and we are centrally located to many great adventures in the West. Ask me about that. I am tempted to have a shirt printed strictly for vacationing...."Made In Utah. Not a Mormon." That is trademarked, so don't even try to steal it. 

The Summer List

I love taking pictures out of moving vehicles. I feel like a movie star, wearing my floppy straw hat, my bare feet on the dashboard and a camera to capture every moment. This summer I feel blessed to have a job which will allow me to make my own hours and spend lots of time with my kids. I want to make this summer memorable and enjoy parts of our state that we haven't explored yet. We will be picking one new excursion a week from the list below, packing the car with snacks and taking lots of pictures. I want to sleep in kitschy motels and experience summer the way it's meant to be experienced, with wide eyes and no fear. I challenge you to make a summer bucket list, even if it has just five new things, you can greet Fall with the knowledge that you didn't waste your summer waiting for the ice cream truck to come down your street. You went out and found an adventure.

I am taking some ideas from this great book I bought a couple of years ago called Utah Curiosities: Quirky Characters, Roadside Oddities & Other Offbeat Stuff (Curiosities Series) by Brandon Griggs. If you live in Utah, I highly recommend this fantastic travel guide. I have lived here my whole life and 80% of these places were a mystery to me. Happy Travels!!!

*Dinosaur Land, Vernal, Utah
I can't believe this is so close and I've never been!! My kids are going to either love it or roll their eyes for an entire weekend. Either way, we are checking it out.

*Hill Air Force Base Museum.
One hour away and completely free....why haven't I seen this?

*This Is The Place State Park.
We tried this for my son's field trip two years ago, but it was a fucking downpour and we weren't able to enjoy it, so we are headed back. Yes, I just dropped the F bomb in the same paragraph as Brigham Young's famous saying. I'm a dick like that.

*Dog Lake Hiking Trail
I printed off the directions to this kid friendly hike two years ago and stuck a pin in it, literally. When I found it on the cork board among the other papers I never signed or sent back, I knew it was time to commit.

*Yuba Lake
Once again, I have never been to this lake. I've driven past it thousands of time on my way to Southern Utah and always wanted to stop and see what all the fuss was about. I may have to suck it up and let the kiddos camp out for a night. That's true love.

*City Creek, Trax ride and Downtown Shenanigans.
As I have shared with others, I was completely against this shopping center for a number of reasons. Then I went there. I fell in love and have been working on forgiving the church for taking business away from Gateway ever since. My kids haven't been yet and because we live in suburbia and are forced to ride in cars everywhere, they love taking public transportation. This is one of those excursions that is a must...it's close and cheap.

*Donut Falls
Not sure where this is, but I have heard rave reviews from other locals. We love packing picnics and eating on a blanket, so this will be another inexpensive and nifty day trip.

*Salt Flats/Cement Tree. Wendover, Utah.
I have some sketchy memories of living in a trailer park in Wendover when I was young, but I'm putting on my big girl panties and taking a trip down memory lane. Open land where the kids can run and I can take candid pics....you bet your sweet ass we are going. I hate that tree, but everyone should have the experience of seeing art at it's worst.

*Flaming Gorge
I know what you are saying and I have no answers for you. Never been. I hear how beautiful, close and fantastic this place is and I have yet to see it. I hate camping so ISO: a cheap motel with pool.

*Glendale, Utah
Where? Yeah, it's a little sneeze of a town in Central Utah where, word has it, I am related to everyone in town, including those in the cemetery. The last time I visited I was a kid and my Great Grandma Maxwell lived in a little house on Main Street, where she was formerly the Postmaster. Super cool lady. We are going on family history expedition.

*Mirror Lake, Uinta Mountain Range.
We grew up camping at this breathtaking lake and while I may not be up for a week of shitting in a port-a-potty, I can make it through a night. My kids have never been, so once the snow melts we are headed that way.

So there it it, the summer list. Do you have a favorite place in Utah? Share it in the comments and feel free to  use this list for your own summer adventures.