Where did those come from?

Ummm if you haven't taken a look at what is following you everywhere you go, I suggest you do so now. Your ass, my friend. Have you seen it in a while? Cause I had not and there are a few things to note: Why I looked so close? I have been working out for five weeks and expected to see small, tan, firm bottom. What I really saw? Dimples!!! Yes, you and I both thought they were reserved for adorable babies and squishy grandmas...well apparently not. What else was there? Weird freckles, stretch marks and some kind of double butt underneath that I have never seen on my body. How many fucking hours a day do I need to work out to aleviate the horrified feeling I have right now? No, really its a question I need to know the answer to.