Crystal Light and Saltines...it's what's for dinner.

Someone please explain to me what I am suppose to feed my kids? I am kicking myself now for weening them at four months when apparently my milk was the only safe thing for them to eat. I know you are imagining the horrified look of passersby while I nurse an 8 year old but I am concerned that feeding her arsenic in eggs may be more harmful long term. Spinach gives you diarrhea and possibly death, ground beef is hazardous because of how much surface area it has to contaminate and now eggs. I am close to starting myself on a diet made popular by my best friend in high school..Crystal Light and Saltines. Back then it was for the sheer lack of calories or nutrients that got our attention. Dropping ten pounds in two weeks was well worth the grumbling stomach and lack luster taste of our new found diet plan. These days I would eat for the safety and low risk of intestinal problems. Think about it you can buy a bottle of water that is safe unless you are a stinky hippie and have permanently abolished the thought of "buying water" then you pick up a pack of Crystal Light which has never been recalled for killing small children or being grown in some back alley farm that allows contaminated shit to be dragged around. Next we have Saltines...great for filling up a growling stomach and not only terribly bland but exremely cheap and incapable of putting you in the hospital. If you are concerned about the safety of your food and feel you may be too old to nurse...break out the Saltines and enjoy this summer of Raspberry Ice Crystal Light. Guaranteed no diarrhea.