My brother has this to say of my lack of adoration for most females he has brought around "Yeah, you're a bitch and you hate everyone". I know, it is really sweet...almost brought tears to my eyes, too. A co-worker had this to say "We know better than to call Mandy to cover a shift, that just doesn't fly". And that is why you are a friend and a co-worker. So here is the short list and random descriptions of what can bring out the hateful bitch in me.
1) Text and call me to cover your shift when you have been working at this place for three weeks and we have never met. Bitch please, my beer drinking buddies know that I am the last person that wants to come into work more than my allotted 20-24 hours. I won't even come in for them and they are the coolest bitches of life. Stop asking. The answer is always.... NO.
2) Show my boss a FB post that I wrote about dumb bitches at work. This really should go without saying...I am not friends with my boss on FB for this exact reason. My humor is easily lost on upper management. Your attempt to get me in trouble turned sour when previously mentioned boss agreed with my post and moved on with her life. Failed.
3) Date my brother or sister and break their heart. Hell hath no fury like an older sister who finds out what a fucking douche bag, loser ass, fuck face you turned out to be. My brother and sister have consistently been awesome since Underoos were the shit. I have no patience for your obvious lack of good taste. You have made the list in pen and there is no turning back from that. Bad move.
With Valentines coming you have your fair share of super cuddly and absolutely adorable tales of falling in love. Maybe it's just me but frankly it's enough to make me want to dry heave all night long. So, Happy Valentines Day my friends...this is the bitter that goes oh so well with the sweet.
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