A New Year and No Resolutions

I use to do it. Cheer and hope and make promises that I knew I would never keep. Stop smoking. Why? I love smoking and it's my body. I adore the guilt trips and the dirty looks. I love saying "I need to smoke about it" Good stuff. Better job. Why bother? People with Master's degrees are clamoring for my job so I feel pretty secure at $9.84 an hour. Be a better person. That one never made sense because you see the worst, most notorious bitches of life making it big and rolling in dough. Get in shape. I did it but not in January when you have to take a number just to get into the gym then arm wrestle some hag who considers snail paced walking a real cardio workout. Don't drink as much. Not really an option considering the terribly traumatic childhood I had, of which I will constantly use as my crutch to drink as much as I damn well please. Be a better friend. Isn't that just so sweet? I am gagging on the sweetness right now. If I am not fulfilling my role as "friend" please feel free to stop calling. Or unfriend me of Facebook since that seems to be on par with slapping a ho in the face and sleeping with her man. Last but not least.....Be better with money. No need. Fully vested in my 401K and my husband knows how to have a job that actually makes money. Plus, he is cheap so being a fucking moron with credit cards isn't an option for this gal. I choose to celebrate my new year with lots of liquor, a dead end job and pack of Marlboro. Bottoms up, bitches.