Hold on to your granny panties for this revelation....I over-committed. Again. Remember when I needed a job where I was moving around all the time, you know, like 5 weeks ago? Yeah, about that. I loved being on my feet all day, I loved the people I worked with and I was finally getting good at it. Then Tuesday happened. We had a full day of cleans scheduled, my husband had to take the puppy to work, the kids had soccer and drama class, and the neighbor who picks up after school didn't pick up after school. When I got to my phone, 30 minutes after school ended, I had a barrage of messages asking if I could pick up or if the kids could walk home. I couldn't pick up and it was pouring rain outside. We were having a freak thunderstorm that was complete with thunder, lighting and sheets of rain that would drown a small child in five minutes flat. I scrambled to make phone calls, attempting to find out where my kids were. Did they get picked up? Were they trudging through a river, barefoot and uphill both ways? My husband confirmed that they weren't home, my neighbor confirmed that her husband was running late, and I confirmed that I was in the midst of a mommy panic attack. Drama class started in fifteen minutes, soccer in thirty minutes and my husband was home with a puppy who was full of shenanigans. I was at work. I couldn't deal with any of it over the phone and it was making me crazy.
When I got home, my kids were soaked, my husband looked ready to throw in the towel and everyone was piled in the car on their way to late starts at each and every activity. This wasn't working. That evening, I talked to my husband about an extra cleaning job I had picked up in trade for free yoga classes. He wasn't as excited as I was.
"So, now your going to be gone two full days and three nights a week? This is what you want?"
I admitted that I don't know what I want. It changes all the time and I take on too many jobs for one glaring reason....I want to prove that I am worthy. Worthy of a nice home, a great husband, money in the bank that I don't work for, and worthy to live a blessed life. I don't know who I need to prove it to, but I feel like I need to prove it. Very rarely does my husband question why I do the things I do and when he does, I know it's not working.
"I like having you as a stay-at-home mom. I like that you are writing and taking care of the house. I can make money, that's not a problem."
It's only a problem for me. A problem that I have been obsessing about for the entirety of our marriage. I stayed home when my kids were babies, worked minimum wage jobs as they got older and have never made as much money as my husband. It's a pride thing. We are in it together and he is supportive and I have let it become my issue. So, I quit. I quit my cleaning job. It's one of those lessons in life that makes me crazy because I want to commit to everything, forever, and be great every single day. This time I get to commit to letting it go and finding the joy in that.
Image courtesy of careerrocketeer.com Check out their awesome post about how to quit a job the right way. http://careerrocketeer.com/2011/03/resignation-without-reservation-the-how-tos-of-quitting.html
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