What I Love And Love To Hate

I am a voyeur. I love to know creepy details about other people and I absolutely adore watching how other people function on a day to day basis. It explains my obsession with people watching at Starbucks and watching reality shows back when they were actually real, ie: Intervention, Dateline and Cops. Huge fan. Maybe you don't care about knowing the details of other people's lives and if that is the case, this post is not for you. Today, I will delve in to the nitty gritty of what I love and the crap that makes me want to slam my head into a brick wall. For those of you who stay interested, it may surprise you to know a few of these things and some of them may have you questioning your affection for me.

Things I Love

-Hiking
This is surprising to me because I hate camping. Find out why in my semi-amusing post about this childhood activity. http://busybeinghappy.blogspot.com/2013/03/why-camping-is-like-work-without.html
I realized two years ago, that being in the mountains without having to sleep there was actually quite therapeutic and an amazing workout. I enjoy pushing my body past what I thought it was capable of, I like sweating a ton, seeing an amazing view and then stuffing more calories in my body than humanly possible. I can justify an Old Fashioned burger from Dairy Delight (the size of my head, no joke) after burning 1,000 calories hauling my ass up a mountain. I look at the top of that mountain and I see food, it's why I don't give up when I really want to sit down and cry.

-Brussel Sprouts
I think they taste yummy, so fuck you.

-Neil Diamond
Huge fan. I grew up listening to to this man and wondering why he didn't marry my mom when he had the opportunity, they would have made an adorable couple. I listen to Neil Diamond radio on Pandora at least once a day and saw the man, the myth, the legend in concert last year. (You will see in the hate list below why I would rather enjoy him on Pandora.) He may not make your list, but I love this son of a bitch.

-Rage Against The Machine When I Am Angry
The proof is in the pudding on this one. It makes me feel better. I crank it up on my shitty car speakers, they crackle and I feel so much better screaming "Fuck you, I won't do what you tell me."

-Bottled water
It tastes better. It's more convenient. I don't care that I have to pay for it. You think I'm a dick and that's just fine with me.

-Smoking
Yes, I have read the Surgeon General's warning. I know about the health effects. I know it makes people angry to see someone they love choosing to smoke. I know people view me as a bad parent for doing it in front of my kids. I know there are consequences. All that being said, I like to smoke and I don't plan to quit anytime soon. I don't need warnings from strangers or eye rolls from people I love and here is why....you get to decide what to put in your body and so do I. Whether you have a taste for prescription drugs, McDonald's burgers or Diet Shit Cola, it's your choice. I get to have one, too.

Things I Love To Hate

-The Goo Goo Dolls, Pink Floyd and The B-52's
Shitty music that makes my ears bleed.

-Concerts
I hate the parking, the crowds, and spending a car payment on one ticket. The real fun begins when I get to my nosebleed seat next to some ass bag who sings louder than the person I paid to see. I need binoculars to see the stage and I want to punch a baby. (I don't punch babies, so relax.) My concert going experience gets worse the older I get, so my one wish is that I never have to go to another one again. Ever.

-Diet Drinks
They taste worse than ass. Don't ask me how I know that. I don't care how overweight I get, I will never volunteer my taste buds for that kind of torture. Drinks were meant to taste yummy....beer, wine, milkshakes, Red Bull, iced tea. You see what I'm saying?

-Waking Up Early
I love people who endlessly vomit the benefits of seeing a sunrise and getting in a 20 mile run before heading to work at 8 am. And by love, I mean hate. There is nothing I need to see more at 6 am than my fucking eyelids. If I have to work early, fine. If I have an event, fine. You will never see me wake up early for the joy of waking up early. Because that is not joy.

-Newborns
I love my kids. I have loved them from the moment that they were a pinto bean in my belly, but I never loved the newborn stage of human beings. It's a lot of crying, pooping, nipple chomping, screaming and restless nights that I just never enjoyed. I suffered through the first three months because people told me it got better and they were right. I love having kids who talk to me, grab a drink out of the fridge and sleep for longer than 2 hours a night. Bless the babies, but I am not a person who wishes my kids were infants again.

-Horror Movies
At the tender age of 10, I was invited to a birthday party for a girl in my class whom I didn't know very well. When I arrived we did normal kid stuff like eating cake and playing games. Then the party took a turn for the worse. She put in Nightmare on Elm Street and while everyone else watched in amazement, I secretly puckered my asshole for fear I would shit myself. We were then led outside where we would be sleeping in a tent and waiting for Freddy Kruger to come tie us up over a bed where we would plummet into the depths of hell. No thanks. I called my mom, went home early and have hated horror movies ever since. Please argue this point with me...how fun it is to be scared. Wrong. I get scared when my seven year old jumps out from behind a door and I nearly fainted when the guy with the fake chain saw chased me out of the haunted house. Pass.

-Sex Anywhere But In A Bed
Yes I am a Scorpio and yes I have a sex drive. I don't like being uncomfortable. I don't like giving others the opportunity to see me in a vulnerable position. Don't feel bad for my husband, the thirteen years we have been together tells me he has accepted this quality in me. I have sex in the comfort of sheets and memory foam mattresses. No elevators, no tents (SOOO GROSS), no stairwells or back seats. I have tried it, and similar to Pink Floyd The Wall, I fucking hate it.

I will be honest, I could go on and on, but I think we have made good progress today. Please, please, please comment below and let me know what you hate, what you love and why.Your favorite food or a band that you wish would get lost in the Bermuda Triangle. I'd like to know that I'm not the only one who wonders how the Goo Goo Dolls ever obtained a record deal. It's like my own reality show.

If you haven't had a chance, please read my most recent article on making a bucket list, it's over at mythirtyspot.
http://www.mythirtyspot.com/2013/08/finding-bucket-list-in-our-30s.html

A Couple Decades Behind The Times

Here's how it started. My husband got an iPad(trademarked name) and it has these things called apps. I am sure this is a lesson for no one but me. There are endless amounts of these fucking apps and one that I had heard lots of buzz about was Angry Birds. Anyone who is anyone had it on their phone, which confirmed my suspicion that I was a big fat no one. My phone functions only as a phone, which is soooo 1999. The phenomenon of this game had me interested because I may or may not be super fucking competitive and great at games. My kids played it on the phones of people I knew who had accepted technology and paid upwards of $400 for a phone (I have paid rent for a month that was less than that). My 5 year old was a pro. So last night, for the first time ever I played Angry Birds and I have to say.....I don't fucking get the point. It led me to a realization..... I was born in the wrong fucking decade and I want a redo. Now.
Angry Birds was one clue, but there are others. I like to communicate with people face to face which I don't think even happens when people live in the same house anymore. I am confounded by Twitter and while I obviously have many irreverent and hilarious things come into my head hourly, I refuse to "tweet" about it. I enjoy cooking and scrubbing a toilet. I would rock the shit out of a 50's housewife gig minus the heels. Why do I have to hit my mid-thirties in the midst of technology that only my 9 year old has the brain power to keep on top of?
Imagine that I was born in 1925....growing up in a depression which I am sure would be challenging. But if anyone could eat government cheese and potatos for every meal, it's me. I sure as hell didn't grow up rich and I know how to entertain myself with a stick and a rock. In 1950 I am 25 and have found the one person I want to fuck for the rest of my life. I have a couple babies and not even a black and white TV. No problem. I kept my vagina on lockdown until I was 21 anyway and I spend less time watching TV then most peoples' pets. Smoking cigarettes is sexy and I would have done it everywhere. I feel like I missed the real peak of smoking and I am a little butt hurt about it . At my age now, I would be hitting the mid sixties. Secretely enjoying the music and not understanding the drug culture or the need for sex with random strangers. I do that in this decade, anyway. Free love and free your mind? Isn't that the mantra of every person between the age of 18 and 25 nowadays? They live in mommy's basement, smoke weed all day and have 100 sex partners before really settling on one. At least back then, I could have rocked some mad bellbottoms and not had to learn anything more technologically challenging than a typewriter. Which I miss. In my forties I hit the mid 70's and a musical generation that I will publicly admit to loving my whole life. I am rocking out to Neil Diamond, Airsupply(YEP) and Barry Manilow. I could embrace a shag carpeted, split entry home because guess what? No cell phone upgrade to keep me up at night. The 80's find me becoming a grandma and slowing down. It gives me time to enjoy all the great 80's films on my super sweet VCR. I am traveling the world in my 60's while all the shitty bands I hated in high school are really taking off. I retire before the internet becomes the only means to dealing with daily life and die before I have to take any of this technology bullshit seriously. I would have never owned a cellphone, a laptop, a tablet, an eReader, a navigation system, or had to play Angry Birds. I could live with that.