Living In Your Shadow

Thursday is all about kids at the Busy Being Happy blog. I am very busy being happy today, the sun is finally out and I don't need three pairs of wool sock to walk to the mailbox. Life is good. I hope everyone is enjoying the week of daily blogging...I am completely shocked at how many of you are checking back and sharing this blog with your friends. I love hearing your feedback, so keep it coming. If you want to contact me, I have my email listed on here and I would love to hear from you. There are thousands of blogs out there to read, I want you to know how grateful I am that you pick this one.
I was feeling particularly bugged the other day while watching my son in his gymnastics class. Perhaps I have a sour taste in my mouth from watching so many behind the scenes interviews with gymnasts who have been pushed to the end of their limits by parents who are living vicariously through their children. These people need to be slapped. My son takes gymnastics for the shear purpose of learning social skills and getting some energy out. I don't envision myself cheering him on at the Olympics or sending him away at age 12 to live with a coach in Algeria while I wait at home counting down the days until he becomes a pro. This gym was full of parents there who were obviously pushing their kids to live a dream that they themselves could no longer live. I wonder, how healthy is that for children?
When did it become acceptable to push your children so hard to be a Harvard graduate, a professional ballerina or Olympic champion? As a society, we accept that behavior by tuning in weekly to shows like Toddlers and Tiaras or Honey Boo Boo. Both of which I have heard of but never spent my precious downtime watching. Extracurricular activities have turned into competitions between overweight, unhappy parents to prove that they gave birth to the most prestigious child to ever walk the earth. Has anyone asked the kids what they want? When I ask my kids how they want to spend an afternoon, they usually choose something simple and childlike....having a picnic, making a craft or playing with friends. They have never mentioned training to be the youngest person in a triathlon or their  overwhelming need to do a pageant. It's time to let your kids be kids and stop forcing them to live your dream.
Sound harsh? It may be, but are you surprised by how many kids are on depression or anti anxiety medication? I am. Life as a kid should not include trips to a psychiatrist or the need for a daily pill to feel okay about life. Being young in meant to be filled with long days biking with your friends, learning how to skip rocks, blowing bubbles, making snow cones and figuring out what you like to do. Notice I didn't say what your parents like to do. You may have very well been the most beautiful pageant princess to ever win a crown, but now you are a middle aged woman with stretch marks, so that dream is gone. Don't force your daughter to relive it for your pleasure. What would it feel like to really know what your child's dreams and aspirations are? How could you support them and also be the most authentic person you can be?
My mother told me something once that has directed me in my parenting, she said to me "The only thing I wanted for my children was for them to be happy, productive adults." Happy. Imagine supporting your kids in their happiness instead of your expectations.
Gymnastics, dance, soccer and all these other activities are supposed to be fun. Get that? It's not fun when parents are critiquing every fucking move or degrading their kids for not making the game winning goal, the perfect back flip or an impeccable dance routine. As adults, we hate having our boss tell us what a worthless employee we are, yet I see parents ruin a kids day over one fall. STOP IT!!! Kids are humans in small bodies. That is the only difference between you and them, so if you don't want me to yell at you every time you forget to send that email at work, stop living vicariously through your kids and expecting perfection. Perfect is not possible. Your kids deserve a happy childhood and you are the one in charge of creating it. Let them out from behind your dream and find out what they like to do. You could have a professional bubble blower on your hands.