Vacation Booty Call

                                            There I am at Alcatraz, with the city to my back.

The trip is almost over! Quick recap so we can get to the naughty bits of this post. We took a freezing cold boat ride to Alcatraz, looked like idiots while taking the audio tour, saw a Giants game, sat by the ocean, shared a sundae at Ghirardelli and hiked the Filbert Steps to Coit Tower. San Francisco was fantastic!!! My legs are sore from walking and without consulting my scale, I'm guessing I've packed on a few extra pounds. I can't say no to paninis, pan fried noodles, pizza, crepes and ice cream. We also had sex three times. Welcome to Hump Day!!

Vacation sex. In theory it seems like the most natural transition from real life to vacation life. You finally escape the pressure of being a grown up and the dream is that you would want to get frisky daily, maybe even twice a day. In my regular life, twice a week is the norm.  I've been married for over a decade, I have kids, a couple pets, a couple jobs and a fuck load of adult responsibility. Sex doesn't make the list most days. Then it's time for mommy/daddy vacation and already my husband is calculating in his head how many days multiplied by times we could have sex and my vacation just turned into a sexcation. Add that to the fact that he loves to spend morning until night every fucking day doing endless activities and I'm starting to feel like the hours of reading and napping I had planned have been replaced by exhaustion and doggy style. If I'm going to run all day, like I do at home, I'm going to feel about sex the way I do when I am at home. That I would rather eat glass.

While hiking steep hills and hoofing it to every event this week, my sex drive was replaced by a caveman-like desire to consume enough calories in order to make it back to my cave before I lost consciousness. Once we made it back to the hotel, I had sweat in places I didn't even know sweat glands existed and I smelled like the homeless lady we saw shitting on the sidewalk. I didn't feel sexy. I didn't feel horny. I felt tired and salty and close to a tantrum. Day in and day out we were going and going and going while every night my husband wondered why I wasn't fucking his brains out. Here's why...I NEED REST ON VACATION. I need to be able to read an entire novel, sit in a coffee shop all afternoon, take a nap and not wear shoes for a whole day or a whole week. That is when I want to have sex. I can't play busy tourist and nasty sex kitten in the same god damned day. This girl needs a vacation from her vacation. And some doggy style in her own bed.