Giving has been hard for me the last two days,all I want to do is crawl under my comforter and wait for this black cloud to lift. I am not at the top of my game this week. I've spent the better part of every day wallowing in what I perceive as my greatest defeat, losing one writing competition. I am slowly realizing how insignificant it is and that I had better learn to take defeats in stride if I want to keep writing. I know it won't be the last. I strive to be the best at everything I do and when I don't succeed in that unrealistic venture, I want to give up and let myself sit in my shit. I'm a monkey with rotten peanuts that I just won't let go of. (It's a training reference that usually makes me want to slap the person who mentions it, so slap away.) That has been my week in a nutshell. (Ha, I've still got it.)
On Day 26, my gift was playing with my son. I'm terrible at video games and he rarely asks me to play, but today he did and it was one of the few moments I have felt happy this week. My mind wasn't swirling about writing or making an income or being enough, I was just playing and it was wonderful. He had to remind me numerous times which buttons to push and how to jump over the bad guys. Laughing and playing felt so good....I hate that I forget that sometimes.
My gift on Day 27 was taking my kids and their friend to the pool for a much needed outing. While it wasn't in the budget, we all needed some Vitamin D and a couple hours away from the house. I also connected with my step-mom who has been one of my staunchest supporters when it comes to my writing career. After she updated me on her new job she asked "How's the famous writer doing?" I was honest. I was shitty, but I knew it would pass. "Give yourself a break." she said. I am still learning how to do that.
I am working on my last two days of giving and I want to go out with a bang. One of the stretches that was shared in the book was to give something away that you never thought you could part with. While I don't have many possessions that I feel overly attached to, minus my wedding ring and family photos, I am going to let that be my guide during these last two days of giving.
Thank you for all the support and shares this week!!! My blog has doubled the number of hits it receives on Monday, Wednesday and Friday and that is a big deal. Also, I was pursued by a company to put ads on my blog this week and while it wasn't clear as to whether I would be paid or not, my instinct was to turn them down. When I asked if it was a free or compensated advertisement, they never got back to me. I'm actually really glad. The intention of this blog is to hone my writing skills, find readers who enjoy my writing style, touch people who love to share my stories and eventually have a group of people who would be interested in buying and reading a book authored by me. I am not in the advertising business and I want you, the reader, to know that until further notice, this is an ad free blog. I am a writer, not a marketer or an advertiser. Thank you for supporting my writing journey.
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