Frightening Carpool

I wouldn't be my first choice for a carpool mom. My car can accommodate five small clowns, four normal sized humans or two basketball players. The middle seat belt is broken and there is usually a two week supply of water bottles and coffee cups lining the floor. It's a recycling bin, so shut up. My kids are used to the funky smell, but it's not really suitable for other children. And yet, my neighbor wanted to carpool. I wanted to carpool as well, because that would free up my afternoon to read in my bed with the covers over my head, instead of sitting in the carpool lane for an hour waiting for my kids to stroll out of class at a turtle pace. My husband or I drive in the morning and she picks up in the afternoon. As you may remember, I don't get ready for the day before 11 am, so not only are the neighbor kids subjected to my sweet ride but also my smelly yoga pants and bare feet at 8:30 am.

Here's what I love/hate about carpool; I learn a lot about my neighbors, politics and as of yesterday, horror movies. I don't watch horror movies because I was traumatized at the tender age of 8 while at my friend's slumber party when they turned on Nightmare on Elm Street. It scared me straight. I hate haunted houses, surprise parties, zombies, pointy teeth, and the sound of chainsaws. Yes, my birthday is on Halloween and I know that you think I should like all these things for that reason and that reason alone. But I don't. I fucking hate them. I like pumpkins, mini candy bars, leaves and cute costumes. Like Dora The Explorer or a sheet with eye holes cut out. That's Halloween. Anyway, we are driving to school yesterday and I hear the neighbor kids say "Yeah, it's real. He cut people's skin off their body and made masks out of it." This is from a 2nd grader. As I peek in the backseat, I see my 2nd grader has pulled his legs into his hooded shirt, the hood over his face and is humming. Basically, he's gone into shock.
"You guys can't talk about that stuff around him, he has nightmare's." (Without knowing about horror movies.)

Thankfully, the conversation ceased and we made it to school without my son rocking himself out the car door. When I mentioned it to my husband he said "Jesus, they let those kids watch Silence of The Lambs?" I didn't know that they were talking about a specific movie. (See previous paragraph). While I did bear witness to this particular show, IN MY 20'S, it was due to the fact that someone lied to me and said it was "suspenseful but not scary." Wrong.

Now we get to my rant and this is directed at all of you parents who allow your young children to watch really disturbing horror movies, WHAT THE FUCK???? Yes, they are your kids and it is your decision. Here is my issue.....please have a conversation with them about the fact that not all kindergartners have seen Jason and they really shouldn't bring it up at a play date. Or talk about skin masks during carpool. I tell my kids that not everyone they hang out with drinks alcohol and coffee, so they shouldn't request a martini while at a play date. (It's a joke, they only drink coffee.) My kids don't watch zombies eating humans' faces off because...well.....they are kids. Life is scary enough without wondering when some random ax murderer is going to chop down your bedroom door. So, yes, you have every right to let your kids watch that shit, but a little common courtesy would be great. Truth be told, I don't even need to know about skin masks and I'm 34. End rant.