It's Just TMI

Stop making me look at your dog, your kids, you and your spouse, you in Disneyland, you and your creepy cat, and your outdated, ugly wedding pictures. I am sure I sound like an asshole, but when you hand me your credit card I don't need to suddenly know more about you then whether or not you can pay for your coffee. I am sick of feeling obligated to say something nice about the picture of your sleeping dog that you had printed on your debit card. Do you see me wearing some tacky pin on my apron with a picture of my adorable, smart, sweet kids? No. You wanna know why? Because I don't fucking know you and I don't want you looking at my kids and feeling obligated to say something. Let's do this...let's stop taking photos and feeling the need to plaster them on plastic that you hand to thousands of people every year. I don't care that you went to Disneyland, got mouse ears and let your spouse take a candid pic of you all sweaty and fat in front of the castle. I don't need to know that you are obsessed with Tori Amos to a point that you fucking downloaded a picture of her for your credit card. It's creepy. Pictures of your cat sprawled out on your dirty couch tell me more than I ever wanted to know about your sex life. Take your pictures and put them in a god damn album and show them to people that care.

Dating...Thanks But No Thanks.

Supposedly being married for years is said to be monotonous, dreary and really quite boring. Imagine....waking up to the same person everyday, washing his underwear, and smelling his ball sweat for month after month, year after year. Sound frightening? Well, apparently you haven't dated in awhile. I have been lucky enough to be married for 10 years and out of the dating pool, however I have heard the pool is a little murky these days. It's all here say but it is disturbing.
*Men showing up for dates with wrinkled shirts...really? for a first date? How about a little effort scum bag.
*Wearing more jewelry than the woman you are meeting for coffee.....creepy. The long earring went out with the leather wrist cuff and the mullet, pal.
*Talking incessantly about what a bitch your ex is.....huh? Well, it's a nice leap into the future knowing what you would say about me when it all fell apart because I realized what a freak you are. Oh, wait. I already figured that out. Next.
And last but not least...
*The grown ass man who promises a night of dancing then fakes tired and asks you to come to his place to watch a movie. Yes, ladies, they are still using this line to try to bone you on the first date. I guess I figured since you were out of college by about 20 years, you may have some better material. Good to know that some things never change.