How Complicated Is It?

I have no doubt that someone in this bloggosphere has ranted and raved about a similar topic and I don't care. Just like everything else in my life, I do what I want so shut the fuck up.
There is nothing more beautiful and inspiring, except maybe stinky babies, as a loving relationship between two adults. The camaraderie, the understanding, the quiet time alone to wonder how long you have to put up with that stupid fucking t-shirt he has been wearing since high school. It's love. Back in the old days you would leave your sweetheart a note in his brown sack lunch or write what a hot lay he was with lipstick on the bathroom mirror before grabbing your panties and bolting out the door. It was special and between the two of you. Now the whole fucking universe has to know how much you love someone on a daily basis because we have the glorious benefit of Facebook. Who doesn't love logging in to find out that your old friend from college is thinking of her second husband today? DBAG 1 to DBAG 2: "I love you so much". Really? Have you not seen this person in the last 10 hours of your life that you couldn't have said that to their face? I have a theory and I guarantee you are going to hate it. I think these people are more concerned with convincing their FB audience that things at home aren't in the shitter than actually dealing with their relationship. I have done my own personal non-scientific study and the people who end up divorced/complicated/single are the same ones that last week were chocking up your news feed with endless love taps. Yep, who's the asshole now? (I accept hate mail Monday through Friday 1pm to 1:15pm) Don't get me wrong, I find it completely acceptable to make your love muffin a status update exactly twice a year. Birthday and Anniversary. Let everyone know that you made it longer than Kim Kardashian and do it with a bang!!! "Happy Anniversary to you, my love. You got me roses and I think you know what that means big guy. :)" It's never frowned upon to let the people you know in on the little secret that your honey is old as fuck. For example: "Happy Birthday! Even with your saggy balls and receding hairline, I love the shit out of you" That is funny. And loving. It interests the crowd without making them want to vomit from sugar overdose.
Here is another example of taking a wrong turn at FB Relationship Street. Suddenly your status changes from "Married" to "It's Complicated". Shocking. Really? You have a complicated relationship with someone who has to smell your farts and watch you tuck your saggy tits into a white grandma bra everyday? This is not news. Oh I get it friend, we are all in complicated relationships and no one gives two shits about yours. It's then followed up by a really vague, emo princess status that goes something like this...."It's happened again". What's happened again? You ran out of shitty pictures of yourself to post so you thought you might dredge up some interest with the poor me card? And then when you thought it couldn't get any more uncomfortable, in swoop the helicopters. "OMG what happened?" "Call me sweetie, I love you" I can tell you right now what happened. Someone got so excited about internet attention, they forgot to deal with the person sleeping in bed next to them. Say what? Talk to the person I am in and out and in and out and in and out of a complicated relationship with? Weird.
I think the people in the healthiest relationships tell one another in person that they either love them or that it may be more complicated than what they signed up for. I know you love your significant other because I see cool pics on FB of you together eating sushi, chillin with your kids at the zoo and hugging each other in front of your new house. I also know it's complicated because every relationship is. Hearing the same snore, the same sniffle, the same orgasmic scream, the same huff, the same laugh, and the same sweet whisper in your ear is fucking complex. Do us all a favor, you FB relationship drama queens, and let bubby bear know in person how much you love him/her, and let the rest of us read about how our best friends' wife is turning 40 and partying like a rock star. That bitch looks amazing.