I have many pet peeves. So many, that even writing a 500 page novel couldn't cover all the things that make me want rip someones face off. Today we are going to cover pet peeve number 918. The really loud asshole who wants to make sure everyone hears what real piece of work he is. This guy can be found at bars, coffee shops or in my case the adult smoking area on a cruise. He is always loud and usually drunk. While he may have a "friend" he is yelling at, I am of the opinion that most of the people he talks to are complete strangers that don't know how to get off a chair and run. The conversation always involves lots of money, his of course, lots of advanced education and many inappropriate stories that I suppose are supposed to impress upon the audience how important this guy really is.
Here is how the conversation started. Keep in mind, I didn't need to overhear or pretend to not hear this conversation because it was clearly meant for everyone on the ship to hear.
"Yeah, we had a limo pick us up that night and just partied all night. Like it was a crazy bender, dude"
He proceeds to cover how drunk he was, how much money was spent and other pertinent parts of the evening.
"Well, I flew first class. It's really the only way to fly. You get to board first and then people who board after you are looking at you wondering how much money you make. They think you are a celebrity, you know what I mean?"
He never waits to find out if you know what he means because then he would miss filling your ear with all the wonderful things he has done in his life. It's a blessing really. The tales begin again.
"So we were at this party and there was this girl there who was so fucked up. Like this girl had drank and done X, she was blacked out in my buddies tub. She was kind of bitch. My buddy went into the bathroom where she was passed out and he fucking pissed all over her". Insert his hysterical laughter here.
While you know all along that this guy is a real piece of shit, you then realize that he is also a fucking psychopath. His quiet observer looks stunned and seems to be a little offended but that's just our actor's cue to get more alcohol. The only saving grace when you are an audience member are the free drinks.
"What you want man? More shots? It's my treat."
Oh, you are the real treat my friend. Please explain to all of us how you have managed to function in society without any human compassion? Do you speak to your mother with that mouth? I would imagine your parents are just as proud as plums to have a son who thinks urinating on another human being is down right hilarious.
Keep in mind, guys like this get laid. By the same women who send love letters to Scott Peterson. You have to be a real classy broad to hop in the sack with the likes of this guy. I imagine him being the type of 'lover' that fakes interest long enough to insert, hump twice and cum on your chest. It's what every girl dreams of.
He peers around the area he is sitting to make sure everyone has heard his lavish tale and then proceeds to the bar for another round.
I don't wait for the next set to begin before I gather up my belongings and get as far away from that fucker as possible. I'm not going to risk passing out or even falling asleep in the same 5 mile vicinity as this marvel of human being. There is always that part of me that wants to walk right up to him and let him know what piece of shit he is but then I remember that this would only aggravate his condition. The other inmate may get away, while I could end up being endlessly tortured by loud, inappropriate stories. I'll take my chances and run.
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