It's All Fun And Games...Until.

                                                               That's me....age three.




We all have stories about how our parents ruined our lives and how they saved our lives. Hopefully there are more of the saving stories for most of us. As I get older I am more able to understand the sacrifice, love and patience that my parents had to put forth everyday in order for me to become an adult. It wasn't perfect and none of us are. I strive to give my kids the best everyday, but the reality of raising kids is that I will fuck up and they will hate things I did as a parent.
The list of what I hated has shrunk the older and, hopefully, wiser I become. They may seem insignificant or enormous depending on your own experiences. I hated that my biological parents couldn't stay married, that we didn't have money for vacations, that my biological dad wasn't in my life, that I wasn't pretty in high school, that I didn't go to prom, that I had to emotionally take care of my brother and sister, that I was held to a different set of rules, that my dad didn't hug me as a teenager, that my mom didn't stand up for herself, and the casseroles. I hated those fucking casseroles. No one advises you before you get pregnant that you will not only have a baby to care for, but a marriage and yourself.  It took the birth of my own children to give my parents the appreciation they deserved all along.
The things I loved about my childhood greatly outweigh the previous hate list. I loved living in the same house for most of my life, having siblings to play with, celebrating holidays, that my mom worked at home, that we were close to my grandparents, that my mom talked to me, that my dad worked very hard, that my parents stayed married, that we were taught a strong work ethic, that we laughed, that we had pets, and that we lived within our means. It's funny to look at both lists and realize that without one we could not have had the other. My mom stayed home to care for us and that meant less money. My parents stayed married because my mom didn't stand up for herself. Those are the tough decisions you have to make as a parent. Will it ruin your kids forever? Probably not. If your intention is pure and you do the best you can, kids are pretty resilient.
I make mistakes. My kids act out. We cry and wonder how we'll get through. I've slept in my kid's beds all night so they would go to sleep. I've served cereal for dinner and forgotten to make lunch. I've raised my voice. I've hid in the bathroom with my phone for a moment of solitude. I've questioned my husband on his handling of punishment. I've thought about leaving. I've turned the TV on for hours so I could get something done. I've held doors closed and locked myself in my room. No one is perfect. I've also done amazing things that I hope my kids will remember for the rest of their lives. I hope they feel loved, cared for, appreciated and heard. I know I do.